Today is my nephew/godson Migz’ 9th birthday. Incidentally, it’s also my grandpa’s 3rd year death anniversary. It’s weird that on one same day we’re both celebrating and mourning. At least I am. I’m still mourning for my grandpa. I miss him everyday and still think of him all the time.

Rogelio C. Gonzalez Feb. 1919 - Nov. 2005

He was 86 when he died, and he was suffering from a lot of illnesses. Cancer, pneumonia, etc. It was pretty much old age’s fault, it caught up to him. He was a strong man, a hard-headed veteran who would ride the bus and tricycles from Cainta to our house in San Juan just to get some newspapers. He was also a very smart man, always reading books and answering crossword puzzles. He wasn’t very strict with us, but occasionally, he’d joke about how my shorts look more like underwear and I guess that was his way of telling me to cover myself up. He was a very quiet man who mostly lived in his own world whenever we came over for parties. He had diabetes, but no one could make him stop drinking coke, eating ice cream, or if he couldn’t find any sweets, a spoonful of sugar or jam every once in a while. Hard-headed, I tell you.

The first few months after his death, I cried every night. And until now, any time I think of him and miss him, I start crying like a baby. I always tell myself, I should’ve hugged him more, I should’ve told him I loved him more. But after a while, I started dreaming about him. Random dreams that sometimes make no sense. In my dreams he’d rescue me and my sister from goons. He’d eat ice cream and hug me and apologize for something I don’t know. That was when I stopped crying every night. I figured it’s his way of ‘visiting’ me. I would give anything for just one last hug.

I have to stop now before I start crying in the office. We’re visiting his tomb after lunch, so…

So happy with the love of his life, my grandma

*Posted after lunch and said visit.